Gaslighting: The Mind Game That Messes With Your Reality

You’re in the middle of a conversation, explaining something that upset you. Maybe it’s a friend who made a hurtful comment, a partner who broke a promise, or a coworker who threw you under the bus. You’re calm, direct, just trying to be honest about how you feel.

But instead of listening, they sigh. Look at you puzzled. Then, with complete confidence, they say:

“That never happened.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“Wow, I can’t believe you’d accuse me of that.”

Now you’re on the defensive. Wait—did you misunderstand? Did you blow it out of proportion? Maybe you are being too sensitive?

And just like that, they’ve flipped the script. You went in expecting a conversation. Instead, you’re left questioning yourself.

That’s gaslighting. And it’s one of the most frustrating, disorienting, and infuriating mind games a person can play.

Gaslighting and Why People Do it

Gaslighting is when someone makes you question what you know is true by denying, twisting, or downplaying reality to avoid responsibility and control the situation. Gaslighting gets its name from the 1938 play Gas Light, where a man manipulates his wife into thinking she’s losing her mind by dimming the gas lights in their home and insisting nothing has changed. Similar to the play, gaslighting works by slowly chipping away at your confidence in your own perception, making you second-guess what you saw, heard, or felt until you start relying on the manipulator’s version of reality instead of your own.

Gaslighting isn’t random. People do it for a reason. And most of the time, it has nothing to do with you—it’s about them.

They gaslight because:

They don’t want to take responsibility. If they admit what they did, they have to deal with the consequences.
They need control. If they can make you question yourself, they get to rewrite the story.
They fear exposure. They’d rather manipulate your perception than face the truth about themselves.

It’s not about misunderstanding. It’s about power.

How to Spot Gaslighting

Gaslighting isn’t always obvious. It can be sneaky, disguised as concern, logic, or even love. But once you know the signs, you’ll see it for what it is.

Here’s what it sounds like:

“That never happened.” (Even though it did.)
“You’re remembering it wrong.” (A classic rewrite of history.)
“You’re being too emotional.” (As if emotions make facts less real.)
“You always make me the bad guy/girl.” (To make you feel guilty for holding them accountable.)
“It’s not that serious.” (Because minimizing your feelings makes it easier for them.)

It’s not just about what they say—it’s how it makes you feel. If you constantly walk away from conversations confused, doubting yourself, or feeling like you have to prove reality, that’s a red flag.

How to Respond Without Losing Yourself

Gaslighting is designed to provoke you—to make you so frustrated that you explode or so confused that you shut down. Either way, the gaslighter wins.

So how do you protect yourself without getting pulled into the trap?

Stay Rooted in Reality.
If you know what happened, don’t let someone talk you out of it. Your experience is valid.
Refuse to Argue in Circles.
Gaslighters don’t want truth—they want control. Don’t waste your energy trying to convince them of what they refuse to admit.
Keep Your Receipts.
If someone constantly rewrites history, keep track. Save texts, write things down, remind yourself of the facts.
Detach Emotionally.
They want a reaction. Stay calm. The less you engage in their game, the less power they have.
Set Boundaries.
If someone keeps making you question yourself, you don’t owe them unlimited access to your time, energy, or emotions.

How to Avoid Falling for It

Gaslighting works best when you doubt yourself. So the best defense? Strengthen your sense of self.

Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it probably is.
Know your truth. When you’re clear on what’s real, no one can convince you otherwise.
Surround yourself with truth-tellers. People who validate your experiences and remind you that you’re not crazy.

No—You’re Not Crazy. You’re Being Manipulated.

The worst part of gaslighting isn’t just the confusion—it’s the self-doubt it creates. But hear this: You are not going insane. Your experiences are real. Your feelings are valid. And no one has the right to distort your reality.

The moment you recognize gaslighting for what it is, you take back your power. You stop playing the game. And you refuse to let someone else dictate what’s true for you.

So trust yourself. Stand firm. And never let anyone convince you that your reality doesn’t belong to you.